What they ought to include in driving tests

I've come to the realization that what's covered in the DMV's manual and test has very little to do with what a person really ought to know about driving cars. Finding the location of the windshield wipers? It really wouldn't be THAT much of a problem to take a minute or two to look around and find them before starting the car. Coming to a full "one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi" stop? Here in the Land of the California Roll, that's almost laughably irrelevant.

What ought to be included, instead? Maintaining control of a vehicle moving 80 mph on a busy freeway while the 5-year-old seated directly behind you squawks like a seagull intermittently while throwing both hands in the air, causing you to jump six inches in the air every ten seconds or so. Continuing to drive in a straight line while turning around to yell at a 7- and 9-year old that if they don't STOP THAT ARGUING RIGHT THIS MINUTE I WILL PULL THIS CAR OVER AND THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Those are the skills you really need. They should have a special driver's ed class for expectant parents. Forget the breathing classes...teach carseat-wrangling and noisy-child-threatening instead. Those are the skills you REALLY need.