I'll back up here for a minute and explain what earthquake kits are, since a very close yet geographically distant friend of mine had no idea what I was talking about when I tried complaining to her about them. Earthquake kits, or "emergency kits," as the school likes to call them now, trying to be disaster-inclusive, are bags of supplies kept at school in case an earthquake occurs and prevents the children from being picked up for an extended period of time. So, since we have to include food and drinks, we are to assume the cafeteria has been flattened, the drinking water is contaminated, and the only thing our kids will have to get them through living in rubble for days while waiting to be rescued is the contents of these earthquake kits. It would appear vitally important, then, that each student have an adequate supply of rations. Hence the stalking, I suppose. I just see no need to rush out and get a kit together, since the rumored "big one" that will topple Los Angeles and send the California coast into the sea has been threatened my whole life, and it hasn't happened. Though I suppose the residents of Northridge in '94 would disagree...
At any rate, I finally decided I'd better find one of the many flyers the kids have brought home and see what I need to do to get these teachers off my back. The school helpfully offers two options: put a kit together on your own, or buy one pre-made from the PTA. Right away, though, something seemed a little off:
I can either get totally ripped off, for $10, by getting nothing but some water, a ration bar, a light stick and a foil blanket that probably cost the school less than $5, or...
I can spend WAY more than $10 and go on a grocery store scavenger hunt, plus have to go through all my photos to try to find one of all of us that would actually be "reassuring."
The two kit options aren't even close to being the same. The PTA-provided kit costs less than trying to make one on my own, but gives my kids next to nothing. Both kits ask for drinks, food, and some form of light. The PTA kit also provides a blanket, albeit a blanket made out of foil less than a millimeter thick that will make a kid look like an astronaut reject. There is no requirement that the homemade earthquake kit include either a blanket or foil; however, THAT kit will contain better food, tissue, hand wipes, and underwear. I have to make a decision: do I want my kid to be warm? Or have a clean rear end? Because evidently, these disaster-stricken kids don't get both. While I hardly want my kids to freeze to death while waiting for rescue, I figure maybe they can find some fallen drywall or ceiling tile to keep them warm...they're not going to find a spare pair of undies laying around unattended. And knowing the way Chris and Erin like to dig around in the dirt and collect things like glass shards, those hand wipes sound like a necessity if they don't want to contract e coli or something by eating earthquake rations with dirty hands. My choice seems clear. Plus, I missed the ordering deadline and couldn't give my kids the astronaut reject option even if I wanted to.
I'm thinking, though, that instead of providing a picture of our family, I might just print off a few good ones from http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com. The kids see enough of me as it is, and all three of them will be trapped in the same school together anyway. They're not going to miss each other. I'm glad, though, that it's no longer required to write a letter to your kid in addition to enclosing a photo. That had to go in the kits when I was a kid. Can you imagine? "Dear son, If you're reading this, there's been a horrible earthquake that's toppled power lines and your school. You're stranded at school, your least favorite place, with nothing but a couple snacks and some underwear. But hang in there, kiddo, I'm coming to get you just as soon as I can! Assuming the house didn't fall on me and kill me, that is. See you soon...maybe! Love, Mom." Yes, that'd definitely be reassuring.
I am now $38 poorer after my scavenger hunt at Target tonight, but at least Brian's teacher can get off my back. And the kids can now look forward to the June tradition of eating whatever hasn't melted into oblivion when the school gets everyone's unused earthquake kits out of whatever forsaken trash can they're stored in all year, and returns them to the kids to take back home. Last year, I went with the PTA kit option, and the poor things had nothing but an MRE-quality snack bar and water that looked like THIS:
Mmmm, emergency water. For use "anytime water is needed for an emergency." Yes, my kids are definitely more loved this year, when they get juice cans and underwear, than they were last year with their PTA Emergency Kits, or as I now call them, Supplies for Unloved and Stinky-Bottomed but Warm Children. Because nothing says love like hand wipes and clean underwear.
